What Parents Should Know

What Parents Should Know

Mom and Dad, it is not that simple. It is not as simple as turning off the phone or going outside. It is not as simple as spending more time with family or even just talking to you. There are so many distractions and influences that it is hard to know I have a problem. I feel awful mentally and that makes me want to scroll on social media to distract myself. It does not help me but distracts me and even makes me feel even worse. I see the happiness that others feel around me and I just can not feel it some days. It is nothing that you did wrong and I still love you more than anything, I just need time. It is difficult to talk about the things that I am feeling and the more you push me to open up the more I want to shut down. I need to realize that I need help on my own. 

When you tell me there is something wrong with me and that I need to seek help, it just makes me feel worse about myself. I need to sit in this sometimes to know that I should not have to sit in this. I need time to feel awful to know that other people do not always feel like this. I need time to know that someone else can help me, to know that I am not alone. You should not just sit aside and let me suffer alone though. You still are my parents and I need you more than anything. When I push you away it does not always mean that I actually do not want you to help, sometimes I want you to keep pushing just so I know you actually care. I know deep down that you care but it helps to see it. I need a hug. I need you to constantly ask how my day is going. When I seem moody and I act like the world is ending I need you the most. I need you to be my parents. I need you to show me that unconditional parent kind of love. I need you to  never give up on me, because at my lowest point is when I need my parents the most.

School can be one of my favorite places to go to and it can just as easily be the place I hate the most. I love going and being with my friends and getting to go through some awful classes with my friends. I love learning new things that actually interest me and I do exceptionally well in those classes but I also do not do well in classes that I hate. When you pressure me to have the best grades and tell me that I can do better than what I am producing it really hurts. It makes me feel like what I am doing is not enough for you. I need you to be supportive of the classes I enjoy and understand that I will not do as well if I can not focus on a class that does not interest me. I know that I can do better in these classes and you telling me that I am not being good enough does not help me at all. I know it is your job to want the best from me but I need you to support me while I understand that myself. 

I want to spend more time with my friends than I do with my family sometimes. It is not that I think my friends are more important or that I do not care about my family. My friends bring me a kind of peace from a problem that I feel is created from being with my family for so long. They do not pressure me to always be doing something and they let me be who I want to be. When I constantly spend time with my family it feels like you are forcing me to be someone that I do not want to be. It is not something that you are necessarily doing but a feeling I create. I still love my family more than anything but sometimes I just need a break.

Mom and Dad, you have always been there for me and I appreciate that more than I could ever show you. You have always tried hard to do the best for me and I recognize that. I need you to continue to be there and support me. You have given me so much more than I sometimes deserve because you love me. You have shown me a love that I will always long for and never forget. I do not want you to change, I want you to always be my parents and I will love you for that.

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